I knew I had to rise to the challenge. Her text could not go unanswered. So I took a deep breath, and I texted her the deepest, darkest secret that I have never told anyone:
"I have crushes on two of the guys from Jersey Shore," I wrote.
Her: "Are you serious?"
Me: "Totally serious. Vinny and Pauly D."
The thing is, Vinny and Pauly D are not exactly my "type." The men I am drawn to usually look something like this:
Oooh, dreamy Dr. Reid. However, Vinny and Pauly D look like this:
Can you see the difference? Can you? (And do you remember those old HiLite magazines where there would be two pictures, and you were supposed to circle all the differences you could find between them? I am tempted to do that here. Helpful hint: there are one billion differences).
In my defense (because on this issue I know I need a strong defense. Some of you will still say my crushes are indefensible, but...) I know Jersey Shore is bad television. I know! They're terrible to women! They're soooo vain! Pauly D has his you-know-what pierced and a huge Cadillac tattoo, and Vinny still lives at home with his mother and likes it. In the words of Liz Lemon, those facts alone should be deal-breakers. Should be.
But as I texted to my disbelieving friend: "They're really funny, and uber-masculine, and also, I'm CRAZY."
Vinny and Pauly D are really funny, and they seem like they're laughing just as hard as, if not harder than, everyone watching the show, and they've got huge muscles and they're always saying things like, "Don't let the spiked hair fool you. I'm not a bitch."
Had I not been confined, via text, to 140 characters, I would've said something like this in my defense:
Why do I go nuts at the chance to travel to distant countries? Why does a twenty-seven year old woman still totally love dressing up for Halloween? Because traveling, or wearing costumes, provides a brief vacation from my all too ordinary self and my ordinary life! Well, Vinny and Pauly D are my trip to Nepal! They're my slightly off-color Halloween costume that I'd never wear 364 other days of the year! I watch them and I think, "What would it be like? If we went to the club, and we beat the beat, and they got in fights defending my honor, and then we all admired their huge muscles while we ate pickles in the Jacuzzi on our roof? Wouldn't that be something different!" And different is always enticing. For a while. In my defense.
The truth is, I wrote this entire entry about Jersey Shore just so I would have a "reason" to show you this CLIP THAT I LOVE.
Mmmm...Dr Reid... : )
ReplyDeleteShould I be ashamed to admit that I have never heard of Jersey Shore? Although with a Dr. Reid, I may just have to take a peek...er...view...er. You know what I mean...
ReplyDeleteWord verification: Swain. Rather fitting to your post, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteGiven a choice between these three, by all means please bring home a Dr. Reid to meet the family. I love you no matter what but a Vinny or a Pauly D and I may buy you a one way ticket to Nepal!
ReplyDeleteWhat? Your crushing on two guys from the show and one of them is not The Situation? Nobody doesn't like The Situation - he's got mass appeal. If you don't love The Situation, The Situation is going to make you love The Situation, and then you'll be in a situation with The Situation.
ReplyDeletepauly d = totally crush-worthy
ReplyDeletevinny? not so sure. you do know he's had pinkeye, right?
if/when i end up in NYC, i'll keep an eye out for some nice italian boys that you can bring home to Rhonda. (sorry, Rhonda. but they're really funny!)
Kendall. You are my Vinny and Pauly D. Thank you for offering me a break from my own reality.
ReplyDeleteYou're, I meant. Wish I could edit comments.
ReplyDeleteI have to disagree with Mr. Blue Sky here (he and I have been participating in an ongoing debate about who the best Jersey Shore resident truly is) and say that your crush on Vinny makes perfect sense and doesn't even seem that weird. He is so cute! Pauly D., on the other hand, might be up for debate. (Though you know that if he were with you it would be sincere, since he isn't willing to "fall on grenades.")
ReplyDeleteFYI: this just in. Vinnie did well on the LSATs, had a 3.9 in college, and is considering Harvard or Yale law school. Those facts (I believe everything I read on the Internet to be fact), combined with his overall hottieness, makes him a boy you can bring home to Portland anytime...
ReplyDeletei know i'm a little late to the party on this one, but you'll get a kick out of this. minutes of pure entertainment: http://www.complex.com/blogs/2010/01/21/the-complex-jersey-shore-soundboard-click-on-it/
ReplyDelete#fistpump